RR wrote: Dark, Ugly Side of IT Guys
- DISTRUST amongst the ranks! Nobody really trusts anybody! I know a guy who was in the department for 8 years, and they never really gave him the ability to change passwords for the users he served. They wanted to keep the numbers down on who could do this to 2 or 3 people… If we all took vacations at the same time, it was a nightmare for the users who forgot or didn't change their passwords before they were forced to change them. Users were locked out until an administrator could be reach on their vacation. I'm Admin, NO! I'm Admin! Mine! MINE! I'm GONNA tell! Didn't we learn about this stuff in Kindergarten for Heaven's sake?
- One of the administrators was so pitiful! He was one of these guys you know that would call the fire department while everyone was attending the PTO meetings at the school districts, during the meeting, if he saw your car parked illegally in the bus lanes, that obviously are not used at night during the PTO meetings for buses. Of course the fire department would come and stop the PTO meeting. He was proud of doing it and disrupting the meeting, embarrassing the poor lady who just wanted a closer parking place! Fine citizen in our community. Oh, by the way, this was the same person who signed a petition (which was published in the local newspaper) to outlaw opening prayers in city hall, which has been done for decades and decades. Darned leftist activist! … oh, sorry, I was talking about IT guys, right--tangent there….
- WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOUR. Agnostic vs. Christian
- If you Answer incorrectly, your OVER the cliff. Climb up, if you can to regain rapport, and try to cross the bridge again!
- Handshaking / Backstabbing! I know IT guys that would shake your hand and act like you were their best buddy, then turn around in the next breath and backstab you by using your ideas or dis' you with your coworkers and supervisory staff.
- Geek Speak! WHAAAAT? Don't drop the SOAP! Socking Secure Layers - That's SSL. I hate all these acronyms! When is a CAU not a cow? ACT, is not act, it's accounting? CLO is clothing? UGRAD is undergraduate and GRAD is graduate. WCL is West Campus Liberals. ID10T still means idiot! The problem is still the person at the keyboard!
- Tim Allen and Power Tools! UUUggguhhaa?!
Embarrassing to admit, I've actually been to a lawn mower race. Took my women (wife and mother-in-law) on Mother's Day even. Heck, it was their idea, not mine!
- Lunch - If you get it you're considered lucky! I RUN AWAY for lunch…. It decompresses the stresses! If you sit anywhere near other people, or a phone you're going to miss your lunch hour! GO AWAY from the work! Leave the premises!
- Some people believe that IT people just eat candy bars and sodas! GOOD GRIEF bring me a lousy PiZZA, and a lousy fresh tee-shirt and some clean underwear! I've been sitting here for days, waiting on a restore of your family vacation or wedding pictures that you reported as lost, deleted business data on the company servers. The least YOU could do is call in for some take out Chinese and deliver it to us poor working moonlighters, after all, you're the one who caused the issue! Call ahead, the IT get spooked easily when there's a knock at the door at 2am. Wouldn't you?!
- Overnighters at work--IT guys are just expected to work until it's fixed. No compensation for overtime. Just keep going! No breaks! So what if your child needs to be wakened and taken to school in the morning. CPS would have a field day with this notion, wouldn't they? What do single IT parents do anyway? Bed their kids down on the cold, hard floor of the server room while Mr. Mom pulls an all-nighter? Oh, I'm so glad I'm married and have a loving, forgiving, understanding, wonderful, loverly, wife (hope you read this some day, Elizabeth)!
- Gaming -What IT guys truly do when they say they've been working all night--they might take a taco break at 2am to got to Taco Cabana to refuel, but they really DO play head-to-head games on the state's expensive computer networks as an excuse to have a guys night out. SAD! Sad! Sad!
- Oh. Buy the way, IT guys get accosted by Rent-A-Cops and University Police more than any other group of the planet. We've discovered that university cops are most likely to pull a firearm on you if you reach for your ID at 3am in the morning, SO, move slowly and step away from the keyboard, Mr. Invincible!
- Health - Okay… Most of the IT guys that I know are not so much in healthy shape. Most sit for 8 hours a day, cow-punchin' a keyboard, although we are required to lift 40 lbs, it's rarely seen. Not much exercise there (they might beat you in Thumb Wrestling, however). A lot of us know just how easy it can be to throw your back out lifting an out-of-warranty HP printer out of a corner of office filled with paper and junk and dropping it… then into a surplus pile it goes!
- IT Guys Singing in the Server room! Oh the noise! Noise!! NOISE!!! IT guys have no talent, otherwise, they'd all be ROCK STARS! IT guys ALL play air guitar! Sorry, I should pause here… when I say "guys" I'm including all the Techno Babes that we work with, as well, so don't feel left out, okay… Oh. And don't go 'round telling everyone that you’re a victim of "sexual harassment" because I'm calling you a "techno babe", take it as a compliment and MOVE on, ladies! More power to ya for being in this male dominated field! Do you think I like looking at these UGLY guys all the time! Yes, I'd prefer a conversation about Jane Austin's characters who need some heir now and then,… NOT really, but just trying to include you. It's a "diversity" thing. BTW… I greatly dislike the word "diversity" … It usually means you're intolerant of my intolerance of whatever kind of lifestyle or culture you want me to except of the "norm", when you're actually the abby-normal one. Some people just need a brain transplant! Intolerant jerks! I'll tell you about Diversity sometime, diversity that's really the intent of Diversity, not near enough room here for it.
- IT Guys HATE hand-holding--no, not what your thinking gutter-brain--keep moving! IT guys like for you to read the docs and understand their Geek Speak and do it yourself! IT guys tell you, then document it, show you, show you again, re-document for a 4th grader (because most people aren't as smart as a 5th grader), IT guys apologized for his ignorance to the user, their supervisor, their supervisors supervisor, middle and upper management, show the user again, well, it's a Dark, Ugly infinite, spiraling, tailspin of a circle. What do sitters get paid these days?
- ASKING FOR HELP
- Okay you have one of these husbands, right ladies, who won't stop and ask for directions, when he's obviously LOST!
- It's really a pride thing. Why ask for help when you think you can solve it in the next five minutes, then the next five minutes, then the …. It turns into hours before some of us IT guys will throw up our hands and say, "I can't do it". It would be admitting to others that you aren't THE MAN. It would be unmanly to ask for help. It would be sign of weakness, like stopping to ask for directions when your lost. Stop. Ask. Just think how much sooner you'll get there!
- Most IT guys fall into this category.
- AII guys HATE to have their hands-held.
- IT Evaluations
- When supervisor let loose BOTH GUNS and all they should have been telling you during the year, and day-by-day, Good and Bad. If you don't expect what your going to hear, you probably live under a rock, or your supervisor does and is a snake!
- Self-Evals: Copy/Paste from last years, that's what everyone does!
- Use quotes from Google, MAKE them fun to read!
- Raises are truly based on your supervisor's supervisor's opinion of you and they only have so much money to distribute anyway, so what's the point? Here's the point…
- It's added paperwork, but a necessity, if you have any hope and prayer of receiving a "merit" raise of .00001% for all your hard work. Gee! Thanks for tossing the dime into the wishing well for me!
- "Hi! I'm a Mac!" Plllppppttt! "Hi! I'm a PC!" Sure, I've had my experience with Mac's. It's the stinking Mac users I can't stands no more of!
- There are MAC Guys and there are PC's Guys. I'm a PC! SO, THERE! I've said it! I LIKE Microsoft and Bill Gates (may he live long and prosper)! Thanks for making me a way to earn a living Bill. Can you send me some of that wealth my way? I'm ready to retire now!
- There's a department full of PC's, one guy cries "WHAAA! I want a Mac!" Then he can't run the darn thing and wants IT to help him with it; he's got to have all the stuff and access that the PC users have! Where's the nearest Window! I'll help him with it!
- I like Novell! It's the BEST networking operating system in the WORLD! Until SUSE Linux came along and messed it all up! STOCKS DOWN THE TUBES!
- Linux SUSE ("Susie" or "Zsuzsa", whatever), Red Hats, White Hats, BLACK HATS! Arghhhh!
- IT guys are HIGHLY FOCUSED and motivated by non-computer literate people who have power over them by what's called the power to make heads roll. Most of them just do what they are told without question. It's BROKE! It's got to be fixed! Now, or we'll all die! There's a lot of IT guys out that that just can't keep their hands off the equipment! Some are just horribly impulsive! It's not working! It's not working right. It's not critical. It's not broke, but I gotta fix it anyway. Ooops! NOW, it's broke, and now it's critical. Let's work all night on Friday night to get it working! They LOVE to work--Workaholics! They'd rather be working, than be with family? If they are the boss, kiss your weekends and your family life goodbye.
- There was this one Dark, UGLY IT guy who was placed in a room with plate glass windows and his computer monitor was purposely turned toward the glass by administrators so EVERYONE could see what he was doing. He commented to coworkers that he felt like he was a "monkey in a cage". Well, his coworkers began eating bananas in the mornings on and their way into the offices by the "cage". He complained, so NOW everyone can't eat bananas anywhere near him. There was a law suit, apparently, that followed. He no longer works there, but was last seen chasing a cat with a banana in its mouth with a 2x4. Well, that's how the sort of story goes anyway.
- After all, dealing with password changes and firewall intrusions does make one a little paranoid. Ahhhh! What was that! Oh. Nevermind.
- I once naively and most innocently created a default password that came from a children's animated cartoon series (If you must know it was Veggie Tales -- Moe's Big Exit--has to do with Moses Exodus from Egypt for you non-Veggie Tale believers). The password was "moesexit". Well, GUTTER-BRAIN (I'll leave his name out of it here) says that he got complaints that it was about sex. Gimme a BREAK!
- One day a student came knocking on the door of the IT department. He asked for duct tape. Duct tape?! Yeah, he wanted duct tape to fix his flip-flop so he could walk across the street to McD's to get a burger! You know, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE! Really! He showed me. Sure enough, the thong thingy was broken. DUCK! Buddy! Here comes the TAPE!! BTW, go buy some real shoes! I was surely overpaid that day for providing IT service!
- When you tell another tech group that you need something specific, you're getting frustrated, and they're just not getting your message, and when it comes to using babelfish.yahoo.com to get your point over in Swahili and providing the link embedded in the emails back and forth, you're probably not communicating in English very well to get your point across in a concise and simple manner. Whew! BTW, Swahili isn't a language option yet on this website http://babelfish.yahoo.com
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It was contributed by a community member and is published "as is." It seems to have worked for at least one person, and might work for you. But please be sure to test, test, test before you do anything drastic with it.